In loving Memory of Little Miss

My husband and I are suffering our first pet loss. After 7 long months of prednisone our beautiful girl 12 year old Miss Maddigan passed Friday evening at about 5:30. It was the hardest thing I have had to endure thus far. She was a strange cat, not very social, disliked loud noises, fast movements and hid from most humans and animals. In fact she hid away or stayed in her bathroom most of her life. She would screech from the top of the stairs if a storm scared her. She accepted my husband and I because we brought her home, loved her, played with her, fed her, combed her (which she loved), and loved on her every chance we got. When she was kitten she would nuzzle into my hair when I went to bed. She wasn't a pain or a nag, she was very talkative and she just wanted things quiet, to be predictable, and to get as much love as she could. We gave her that. I wish we could have taken away her Lymphoma and her pancreatitis.

I know that we got about 2-3 months longer with our angel than the vet expected. I know that when we took her into the vet it was because she was not going to rally, but had gotten to that horrible stage of Lymphoma where it cuts off their airway and they suffocate. I know we did everything we could for her. I do not have any guilt or regrets. I just wish she wouldn't have had to go through all that. She died peacefully. She didn't fight my husband when she went into her carrier. She sat calmly in the vets office with 3 dogs staring at her. She even was calm when she laid on the exam table and was palpated by the vet tech then carried off to be weighed.She tried to get away, but accepted us keeping her on the table. Never before did she behave that way. It tells me that she just was too weak to fight, she was ready, and we had chosen the right time.

So why do I feel so fucking wretched? Because I miss the meows at the top of the stairs, her bright eyes when I would mention "treats" and her silly copious drooling when I would love on her. I suppose now I can just have faith that at the rainbow bridge she is being cared for, no longer in pain, and I will see her again.

Summer reading + Activites

I am really not good at keeping and following lists but I am going to give it a try. My problem is that when it comes time for the next step I don't want to do the next step or I forget that there is a next step or I get distracted by the sewing machine or the crochet hook and bright yarn. I hope this time it will be different I have several heavy books to read and work out for work and while I thoroughly enjoy the topics and even like how both of the authors write there is something about reading for work that seriously grates on my nerves. Obviously, I am more passive aggressive than I care to admit.


Summer Reading:
1. The Tea Rose by Jennifer Donnelly (pleasure)
2. The Winter Rose by Jennifer Donnelly (pleasure)
3. The Wild Rose by Jennifer Donnelly (pleasure)
4. Self Compassion by Kristen Neff (for work and pleasure)
5. True Refuge by Tara Brach (for work and pleasure)
6.  Getting Past your Past by Francine Shapiro (work)
7. Your Erroneous Zones by Wayne W. Dyer (work)


Welp, now I can see why I don't care to read for work...there are more titles for work then for pleasure! Who wouldn't be a little passive aggressive.

Beans + Spice= Happiness

I am from Arizona. Spice is in my blood. Sonoran Mexican food is what I crave nearly all of the time. It's raining we have tortilla soup. If it's sunny we have Tacos. I also will come up with any excuse to eat  My Nana's tortilla chips.  I recently came across a wonderful recipe for Crunchy black bean tacos on Pinterest. Last night I finally made them. They were pretty good.  I had to tweak the spices a bit. Cumin and Paprika are safe spices, they give warmth and some flavor, but they are not really spicy. So today I decided that I needed to play in the kitchen a bit and make some beans for the week to have for lunch. I figured I would play with the beans recipe above. Here is what I came up with:

1 15oz can of Pinto Beans drained and rinsed.
1 cup of broth or water
1/2 cup minced sweet yellow onion
2 fresh garlic cloves minced fine
2 tsp cumin
1 1/2 tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp chili powder
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
2 TBS minced fresh cilantro
1 tsp coconut oil or whatever oil you have on hand

Monterey jack cheese
chipotle jack cheese
medium or mild cheddar
sour cream
guacamole or an avocado
a tortilla product (chips or a tortilla- flour or corn- its your choice)

Method :

rinse and drain the beans
mince the onion and garlic
mince the cilantro.

in a small sauce pan/skillet melt coconut oil, once melted add onion and saute a few minutes then add garlic and saute until fragrant. add in beans and saute a minute then add water/broth. add in spices and cilantro, mix. you will bring this to a slight boil, once there mash some of the beans with the back of the spoon or spatula and allow to continue to simmer. I admit I am not sure how long I allowed them to simmer, stirring them occasionally and not allowing the liquid to cook off completely. I wanted a thicker saucey sauce for my beans to cook in. Once I got that, it was time to eat.

I chose to eat them with a mixture of Chipotle white cheddar, Monterey Jack cheese, sour cream. I scooped it up with tortilla chips and my husband decided they were perfect for a burrito. Really, you cannot go wrong no matter how you choose to eat them. But you gotta give them a try.

Refelctions on 2012

It seems that January is when I post here. Perhaps this year, that will change. In January it is natural to reflect on your last year. We have plenty of reminders in the media. It is a perfect time to evaluate where you have been and where you want to be. And the great thing about being human is we have a choice to learn from our mistakes. We do not have to keep repeating the same behaviors if we don't want to. So where have I been in 2012?

I did not take a vacation. I needed one, but the powers that be made it impossible to gather up the funds to run off to the beach for a week and as much as I would have loved to venture out east and see some lovely people, I couldn't do that either. 2012 was full of lessons for me and my family.

I learned that no matter how much I want to back off, hide away and let someone else deal with crazy I do have to stand up when I am pushed into a corner and sometimes before I am. I am not a woman who does back down. I am usually the one who nips it in the bud. I am assertive and have learned not only from my mother, but my boss that with a look I can shut down a conversation that is not helpful. However, this particular brand of crazy was beyond my ability. I tried at first. I jumped in with both feet. I attempted to find out where this man was coming from, to clarify what it was our office did for people, and how we are supposed to treat people less fortunate them ourselves. That  man was so arrogant and completely inappropriate to be a prescriber. I was amazed to know that I had more knowledge about treatment then he did.  How did he have a license to practice medicine?! Eventually, I did take him down and I am not ashamed to say it like that. It needed to happen. It needed to be made clear how he intimidated patients, how he bullied and discredited staff.

I learned that I should be thankful everyday for being employed. I did choose my career when others told me not to, but it has sustained me and my family. It has kept me out of the unemployment line, kept my house when many others lost theirs, and it is always teaching me something about myself. Working as a mental health counselor, self reflection is needed every day and sometimes the awareness that brings is painful. Pain is only temporary and after the pain comes mindful re-direction. Who doesn't need to be more mindful about what they are doing, how they are behaving, or what they are saying?

I am ok with not having children. I have a few physical issues that could make pregnancy and child rearing very tricky. I am not willing to end up unable to care for my child. No matter how much family or friends say it will all work out, I can't deal with having a child I can't chase after, play with, and do everything a mother needs to do to raise a well adapted child. And that is NOT something I would feel comfortable pawning off of other family members, my husband, or a babysitter because my body is not cooperating. There is nothing I can really do for these issues, but accept them. I do have a choice in this matter and I am not putting myself or a possible child through the torture of having an absent mother because she does not have the ability to function fully. Responsibility rests with the parents not on the community, the extended family, or the school.
I have an irresponsible and absent father who I would not wish on anyone.

So what am I going to do in 2013?

An independent license should be in the works....finally! Its been a long 7 and a half years. I am a seasoned therapist now that does good work. Maybe this year will be the year I get my LAC too!

A promotion may be imminent. With that comes more responsibility. Time will tell.

Sewing! I got a sewing machine! I am going to learn to sew this year and I think Pillowcases, Duvets, and skirts  will be the first projects I work on and master before I move onto other things.

We are taking a vacation this year! I hope we will be able to do 2 this year. One to see family out east and one to the beach with Em our doglet.

I hope I get a jump on homemade Christmas gifts this year. Last year was too much activity outside of the home to focus on what needed to be completed when.\

Watching the Triple Crown! While Shanghi Bobby won the breeders cup in 2012 and that is promising as far as 2 yr olds go, but with the change in how horses qualify for the Derby there may be plenty of others that can do as well. I am quite interested in Violence as a possible contender for at least the Derby.  I have no idea if there is a triple crown winner in the mix, but would be delighted to see a horse get immortality by becoming the next Triple Crown winner. Before you assume anything, I am not a gambler, I watch the races simply to see the horses run. Nothing makes me happier than to see an animal do what they were bred to do.

Riding lessons! I found a stable that teaches all areas of horsemanship. I can't wait to get started.

A new puppy! Em is our only doglet.She is a Cairn terrier. She has 2 cats to call her own and one of them will pass this year from Lymphoma. We have decided that it is time that Em got a puppy to bully, love, play with, and snuggle with. She is a fantastic snuggler and quite the bully. She likes to head butt Cleo, our male cat.

So what are you plans? Do you reflect and re-evaluate? Or do you pick a focus and head in the general direction?

Kitchen

The Kitchen was a battle for awhile. It's teeny tiny. enough space for one, but if there are two people in there you start bumping into one another. Not to mention sweet Em sitting below my feet as I cook, waiting for droppings. The rule is if I am stupid enough to drop it she gets it....most of the time, there is a huge list of foods Dogs cannot have that I am extra careful not to drop and if I do I will go in after it. She understands this and duly allows my fingers into her mouth/throat to fish it out. She is also a very good listener to the tone of my NO's.

Anyway my spices were all over the place. I cook that is where I find my happiness some nights and well the spices just get left on the counter. Partly because I had too many...too many that were way past their dates. Those got tossed and a new spice rack was purchased and organized. Ta-DA! I have a counter top that can be used for things other than random spice jars!

The same weekend I found new plates! I did not buy them yet as I am still deciding on color, but that should be this weekend. I am thinking yellow, green, and blue. They are solid colored and stone ware. I hope they last as long as the current set has....15 years. My what a long time, but well worth the $80 I paid for them way back when.

And then it was onto the coat rack. I just got a over the door rack for the pantry door and Voila! my dining room chairs can now be seen and not a mere suggestion.

Next? the dishes are to be purchased and the office to be properly sorted out. I plan to start yoga this Sunday!

Plans for 2012

My first project of 2012 has been to re-organize and organize our home. My office, which I love and used to do Yoga in, has become the laundry room. That is being worked out, but it is an ongoing battle with the lack of hampers in this house. What the hell we did do with our laundry for the last 7 years that we have lived here I am not sure, but I don't remember it encroaching into my personal space quite like it is now.

....enter the 3 bin laundry sorter....I think it's more for one person and NOT a couple, but it's working.

kind of.

So why the big push for a space I tend to forget about? --I realize that is why it was over taken by laundry in the first place, but some how I expect when I leave my room in a fit state for it to stay in that state. The laundry fairy has deemed otherwise. I want to paint one of the walls and re-start my annual new years/spring struggle for a decent at home exercise practice. I could do my daily practice in the living room, but it is not my space. I like the good juju that lingers in my room after a fulfilling practice, its a cosy room full of my things. The living room while it has my and his things is a might bit more cavernous and cold. The juju, while still good, is a lot more spread out and does not feel quite...so immediate.

Am I making a bit of sense?

However there is a lot more to this project. So in short order, without a lot of fluff:

1) Kitchen: spices, dishes, and a new kettle please!

2) Entry way needs a COAT RACK! I loathe to see coats hung on backs of my puny dining room chairs.

3)   Yarn Stash is OUT OF HAND

4) Who in the hell buys black/brown finished wood in the desert? Oh yeah I do. UGH

5) Master bath needs a paint job, shower curtain, towels, and flooring!

6) My junk. I am not talking about the material junk I leave lying around or piled in corners...but my personal junk that has seeped out and has stopped me from not quitting smoking or exercising.

7) My 19th/20th century addiction is in check but I think I want to dedicate a lot more time to the history of it. Historical non-fiction and fiction were my primary focus for this blog way back when I started it and I have really lost that thread!

8) Fun with paint and tile! I want to learn to make a mosaic this year, make one, and hang it in the entry way to take the place of the run-of-the-mill-home-improvement-store mirror that is there now. Preferably re-purposing the mirror for the mosaic.

9) renew my license before I have to send them any more money for being late.

10) Buy a bike. nothing fancy, just something to tootle around on and enjoy the springtime before the blistering heat sets in. Id also like a little wagon to attach to it so I could take Em. I am not sure her short little legs could keep up running next to me and she would so enjoy the wind in her face! Probably as much as I do.

Happy 2012!

I have been away a while. I didn't really have time to come here. I was just too busy between work, knitting, family, weddings, friends, illness, and the garden. Believe it or not the garden still survives! I don't have any recent photos so you will have to take my word for it. Even after the unseasonable soggy cold weather we have had the garden has pulled through swimmingly. One pepper plant got a little frost, but for the most part everything survived the downpours and the frigid temperatures. We dipped down to 35-32f a few days out of several weeks in November and while me and everyone I knew came down with 2011's last viral hurrah the garden still survives. I am most grateful for that.

Happy New Year!

Permission

Lately I've needed permission to step outside of my routine and engage with my creativity. I have spurts of creativity, but they are short lived and usually I have to go back to work and put the project brewing in my head or on the page to the side. It's an uncomfortable feeling, but there are bills to be paid.
Logic would say I could just come back to it when I get home. Emotionally? Sometimes I am chomping at the bit to get home and get back to work. Sometimes I just don't have it in me.

For a long time I believed whole heartedly that my job, with the drama and chaos that is inherent in a mental health facility as well as the insidious and abundant amount of paperwork, would kill my ability to write a coherent sentence outside of the typical and generic. That belief  did not do me any favors and it did what I was afraid of my work doing. It zapped my ability to create and overtime I just grew more and more frustrated until eventually I  gave up writing all together. I write here a couple times a month. When I first started this blog I had thought to commit to posting 4-5 times a week.

I seriously do not have that kind of energy. Lesson learned and I began posting only when I wanted to. Problem with that was that I forgot I had a blog when something fun or interesting would pop up. I of course remembered the blog at a later date and began posting a little more regularly. I think 2x a month is my average.I did not look at the actual information and am just flying by the seat of my pants on this number.

And then creativity came back, just like that. It just re-appeared as though it had disapperated and went on holiday in Fiji and came back when I least expected it. But when I sat down to write, what I wrote was very stilted, awkward, and it looked very forced. This, I believe, is exactly as it was supposed to be. I am grateful inspiration struck again. I am glad that I was able to step out of my routine, play a little hooky, and spend the day alone and playing. The funny thing was, right before this occurred, I had contacted an old writing group acquaintance who I knew was some kind of coach. It just so happened she is a creativity coach. She and I had met once or twice and communicated a bit on facebook.  We met for coffee and had a nice chat and I learned a thing or two. Things I had not stopped to really know about myself. 

I am a very hands-on person. I like textures, I shop for clothing by feel first and second by sight. Yes, I have bought some hideous things because they were comfortable. I knit, I crochet, I was a potter for 10 years, and I am most at home when my hands are involved and there is some kind of physicality to the project. At these times it is also when I do the most processing, digesting, and formulating. I don't have to have silence, but noise that is intrusive is not my friend. I am a person who likes her solace, who believes everyone has basic human rights and I have believed this since childhood. So with this information she told me write when the impulse strikes, do not sit down and write every morning or night at the same time for the same amount of time. I should create with my hands first, my mind will follow. And it does. When I am working on a blanket or scarf or hat my mind is on my knitting, but it is also on other projects. I build worlds and people when I am doing something that requires a high level of concentration and silence. Writing is not second nature to me, not anymore. But I think with time, as I use painting, fiber, yarn, tile, glass, and grout I will increase play in my life.

I was asked to get some house paint and paint a wall, somewhere in my house. That immediately reminded me that I have never finished my reading room and right after I parted from her company I went to my preferred Home Improvement store and bought my paint. A beautiful dusty red called Rhubarb for my reading room and a caramelly brown called corkboard for the bathroom I have wanted to work on for a few years.

So I shall see how this goes!

Some of our plants are in!

Whew! The garden is ready to be planted! We had taken 1 week off because I needed some time not doing anything and then the next weekend the irrigation flooded us out. 2 weeks off and grass we thought we had killed had already started to come back. Grass in the desert does not die. It hibernates and waits for moisture then springs up again green and lovely. That would be nice if I wanted a lawn, but not in my garden!

Before

After

We finished the job today. And boy, my whole body aches. It was a tough job. The tiller that we had planned on using had a bit of an issue and was not working right so we had to turn the soil by shovel. That was not so bad, but I hope to never do it again!

We planted 3 different varieties of tomato plants, 2 bell pepper plants,  1 jalapeno plant, and several carrots.  Next weekend we go back and plant the onion sets, leeks and lettuce.

Good Reads Give-aways

I recently started making use of my Good Reads account. I had been signed up with them for quite sometime, but I stopped paying attention and pretty much forgot about them. Somehow I ended up there again and realized I had set up an account and added a few books to my "shelves." I signed in, changed some of my email settings and started getting emails. One email I got recently was about give-aways.

Like most people I love free stuff, but a free book is heaven!  I am an avid reader. If I could make a living reading I would do it in a nano-second. I will read nearly anything. So I signed up for a giveaway of a book that appeared to be somewhat entertaining. A few weeks later I got an email saying I had won and to expect my book in 4-6 weeks. I was thrilled. 3 weeks later the book arrived!

The book's title is Born to Bark: My Adventures with an Irrepressible and Unforgettable Dog By Stanley Coren. It is a memoir of a psychologists life with his many dogs, how he came to study animal-human behavior, and his wonderful Cairn Terrier, Flint.There is a bit of training tid-bits in there too. I was very surprised that someone finally wrote a book about these wonderful little dogs who really do think they are big dogs. The book is written in a down-to-earth manner that allows you to see the human writing it, rather than the psychologist (there are bits of that too, but it is not a research book.) I am also glad that the author writer in a tone that is intelligent and not too terribly main stream. He is honest about how he chooses a puppy and about the breed. It really is a worth while read.

So if you do not have a Good Reads account and love to read you may want to check them out. Free books are a mighty nice thing!

*sidenote*
For the few that actually look at or read this blog you may know my husband and I are owned by a six year-old Cairn Terrier named Emerald. I say 'owned' because she does own us. There is no other way to put it. Em is one of the best dogs I have ever had the pleasure to live with. She was simple to house-break, easy to train (heel, sit, stay, patience,take it, leave it, car ride, Petsmart, and relax are all in her vocabulary and she responds appropriately to each- "quiet" is hit or miss.)  Her spirit, her sense of humor, her ability to insist that certain things are done her way (walks,) the fact that she upholds the house rules and head butts the cats if they are scratching the furniture or decide to get near the dinner table when she has heard them told no or we are setting the table or eating.She is protective of her home and her humans and cats. She lets you know when there is something on the other side of the door and adores people, especially small humans. Her bark is that of a bigger dog and many a delivery person has been shocked to see a 20 pound dog on the other side of the door scrabbling at the floor to greet them. She is very independent, not a lap dog, and would prefer to have more work to do around the house then to herd cats.  I think perhaps some gardening would be her best job and once it cools down we intend to take her to the garden to give her something to do. She is affectionate, but prefers the kind of affection that usually includes a toy, a game of chase, or a treat. She is a comedian and a curious boxy little dog with some serious self esteem.

I ♥ my Kindle

     I am not an early adopter. I have a difficult time buying the latest and greatest gadget because Apple or whomever put it out and it is "all the rage." I just don't care to follow the pack and waste money on something that usually does not have all the kinks worked out just yet. It's a waste of my patience to learn the hard way that something is buggy, especially if I paid several hundred dollars for it.
     I am also a book snob. I like to think I read all the good books (I don't, I have pretty select and not so select taste.) I like the feel of books, the smell of them when they are old and new. I like to hold them in my hands as I read and tote them around with me. Hardback books can be a challenge because I generally like small cross body purses that will not allow me to take everything but the bathroom shower along with me. But they too come along with me, one way or another.
      So Because of the size of my purse I eventually purchased myself a 3rd generation Kindle. I buy most things from Amazon and find that Barnes & Noble is just too overpriced and their Nook was no exception. Not to mention the Nook would not allow me to download from Amazon and that bugged me. The Nook also was back-lit and if I wanted to read my books on a computer screen I'd download a kindle app and read them on my computer. Which is something I just cannot do. It detracts from a book reading experience. Again the tactile part of book reading is by and large why I did not order a first generation e-reader.
       What I have found with my Kindle is I can get new-releases and not have to lug a hardback around. I can also get daily deals from Amazon and pay next to nothing for a new book. Not that all of those titles are good, but if I am short on money and need a new book to read a $2.99, $.99 or FREE book is where it's at. I also love love love the sample chapters. First 2-3 chapters for free so I don't waste my money. I have wasted my money on one of the books on my kindle but it was $2.99 and not $12.99.
       

So what is on my Kindle:

In the Garden of Beasts: Love, Terror, and an American Family in Hitler's Berlin by Erik Larson - GREAT READ!

The Churchill's in Love and War by Mary S. Lovell -GREAT READ

The Sisters by Mary S. Lovell - GREAT READ

The Invisible Bridge by Julie Orringer - GREAT READ

Howards End by E.M. Forester - My first free-be :)

Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Spy by Eric Metaxas - still wading through this one, its ok, but can be boring.

The American Heiress: A Novel by Daisy Goodwin - good and light

The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson- meh, it was ok.

The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller - great stuff

Winter Sea by Susanna Kearsley - IMHO the author had a great idea, but the book fell short 

Island of the Swans by Ciji Ware - Couldn't make it past the 3rd chapter, it bored me to tears. Thank goodness I got this one on a daily deal.

Sunday Dinner

We had to take a break from the garden this weekend. It had been one helluva a week and I just needed to be still and not do too much. So instead I stayed home to tend the home fires which was mainly cooking, cleaning, and sleeping.
 
Some of this weeks Menu:

Slow Cooker Turkey- Butternut Squash Ragout - this recipe is a members only recipe so if you are not a member you may not be able to see it.

Garlic and herb marinated chicken breasts with broc and green bean in herbed butter saute

The Lady's Cheesy Mac

The Lady's Cheesy Mac is something my husband requests all the time. It also makes pretty good left overs to take through-out the week.

Fall Equinox

Believe it or not the weather here in the desert is finally changing. Granted, it still is the triple digits, but there is a huge difference between 110f and 102-105f. I can hold my own till about 107f, but as soon as the thermometer tips one more degree I am absolutely wilting. The mornings now are cooler, again there is a big difference between 96f and 80f. Thank god we are now having 70 and 80 degree mornings! There are other signs of cooler weather; The shadows are growing longer, the sun is setting sooner and rising later. These signs can only mean one thing: The season of Hell is drawing to a close and I am ecstatic.

So ecstatic I have started drooling over some new autumnal recipes sure to fill my waistline out just a little bit more. But rather than use that horrible "D" word and start restricting myself from the luscious flavors of fall I am diving right in with a plan. PORTION CONTROL. Will it work? I shall see!

So in celebration of cooler more snuggly weather what are the meals you are going to roll out?

Quickie!

This morning as I was bumbling around the kitchen way before any normal human being should be awake I heard tell that Starbucks is now offering books as part of their Pick of the Week program. I read a lot, more than most. I will ready nearly anything if it has a hook. I wonder if somehow I can download it onto my Kindle. I will have to give it a go!

Garden Happiness

     It's been more than a decade since I planted a garden or had my own fresh vegetables.  Now that I am free of school obligations I am taking the time to live and do what I held back from doing when I was too busy thinking about school, going to school, or just trying to survive my work day. One of those things is gardening. I love playing in the mud, I love the smell of a garden vegetable that I or someone has grown.
     In the desert there are 2 growing seasons; winter and spring. The summer heat and sun fries everything so you usually have most of the veggies out by June. And it's not worth the frustration to try to keep tender or hearty plants alive. This being the perfect time to start a winter garden we decided to give it a go.
     After a few scheduling conflicts we were able to make it out there. The plot is lovely! a nice sized rectangle with 2 wire trellis for growing squash, peas, beans, cucumbers; all vertically. Then two large squares on each side of that. It is also in need of some work. It sat for several years collecting nesting chickens from the neighbors "free range" chickens. (free range as in there is no fence to keep them in the backyard so they just wander from yard to street to yard laying eggs and foraging.) It is not as bad as it could be, but we're going to have to spend a weekend or two getting the grass out. Then tilling it and refilling it with some more soil.

You can't see them very well, but the tarp is covered with tomato cages!

After we removed the tomato cages we lifted up the tarp to see what lived beneath. An enormous amount of dead and not-so-dead grass. The sprinklers are still in good shape so we won't have to do too much maintenance on them.

    I am not complaining about the hard work its going to take to make this plot lovely and productive.  But I do have office butt and have not really done much manual labor since I moved into my house 7 years ago. I do have to take it easy so I don't throw my back out.
 .

De-grassing the 1st square.

Oh! There is a sprinkler head.

The middle section is cleared.

I wish I could go during the week to get this done, but it's too hot after work to stop and work a bit. It will have to wait for next weekend. This Thursday the irrigation will do its monthly soaking. Perhaps the ground will be softer and easier to work with.

What are we going to plant for our winter crop?
Basil
Tomatoes
Carrots
Onions
Leeks
Peppers ( Poblano and Bell )
Cilantro ( not sure if it will survive the winter but we shall see)
Swiss Chard
Leaf Lettuce
Spinach

Fall Gardening

My husband and I live in a small townhome without a yard. For several years now we have craved a garden of our own. A garden we can plant vegetables in and let the dog dig in. She will have her own garden when we move, of that I am convinced. Being a terrier it is only natural that she should be able to dig and roll in the dirt/ mud and we as her humans should happily accept that as part of her. I do. I hope my husband does when she flops down in the mud happy as a pig in its stye or digs with wild abandon spraying everything around her in dirt and grime. 

For several years we have had access to a family members old over grown garden, but have not taken it on. We are lazy, no bones about it, but I desire to get out and about in the fall this year, to do something new and different and be able to serve my home grown vegetables at my own table. 

Our last adventure in vegetable gardening was a big fat FAIL. We had utilized my husbands recycled sub-irrigated planters ( as seen in the above picture.) They had worked wonderfully for our house plants- he has a garden in his office, but nothing edible.They did not do so well for Tomatoes. (I'm guessing not nearly enough room or water) The glorious tomato we hoped for was reduced to the size of a thimble.  All four of them were bright red, and tasted like tomatoes.

So this time I decided to start investigating what I could plant in the fall that could cope with the hot flashes Arizona has in October and the possible freezes that January and February could bring. And I came across a lot of really useful stuff I hope that we can use! Apparently University of Arizona has a published Master Gardener Manual online and a planting calendar!

Now we just need to find a plot to start planting and make a plan :)

YUM!

The Chipotle Chicken Tacos from Homesick Texan were amazing! So good that I took the chicken and salsa to work on Monday and shared with co-workers for two days. One co-worker, who is on a diet, was in heaven and was so pleased that there was not any added sugar.

The rest of the weeks menu got a little skewed. It was a tough week full of other people's problems that were a little more than what I could handle and it threw my desire to cook or be in the kitchen at all off.

This week we are going to try

Tex-Mex Stuffed Peppers  I think I will use seasoned ground chicken and some black beans and corn with a small amount of rice in the stuffing.

Greek Meatballs eaten in flat bread with homemade Tzatziki Sauce

My husband has requested taco casserole which is simple and easy to change to taste. It was inspired by an old Betty Crocker Recipe  out of a cookbook I have had since college, but has been changed over the years to be somewhat healthier and more nacho like. I prefer crunchy tortilla chips.

So here is my recipe

1 pound browned meat (beef, chicken, turkey)
1 14-16 oz can of Bush's Grillin' Beans or Seasoned Chili Beans
1 cup salsa
2-3 ripe tomatoes
2-3 green onions
Sour Cream
shredded cheese (experiment with what you like on tacos - Monterrey jack and Colby are great!)
Fresh Cilantro
13x9 inch baking dish

brown the meat and drain the grease
after the meat is drained add in the can of beans and 1 cup salsa
heat over medium low

meanwhile preheat oven to 350
chop tomatoes and green onions and a handful of Cilantro (if you like it) and mix them together

when the beans,salsa, and meat are hot add to the baking dish, spreading it out to make an even layer.
Top with the tomatoes and green onions. then sprinkle on cheese.
bake at 350 for 30 minutes

You could add the sour cream between the meat and tomato/green onion layer, but I have not had a lot of success with that so we add it to our dish after its cooked.

Sunday Dinner

For me the phrase 'Sunday Dinner' deserves to be capitalized, it's one of the big deals in my life. I love to go all out. Sure, there are The Holidays, but I think it's silly to shove all your affection and appreciation into a couple of stressful nights a year. So Sunday Dinner is my time to show my love.And this past Sunday I made something simple, something every American makes at least once..Good Ol' Yankee Pot Roast. It was so nice to slow roast a piece of meat in the oven all afternoon.

And I got my kitchen groove back! Thank God! I had been floundering in sandwiches and tacos. Once this Southwestern girl lost her taste for tacos she was quite desperate! I have found all sorts of new food blogs and recipes and am very excited to try them. So what's in store for this Sunday Dinner?

Sunday: Chipotle Chicken Tacos - I love Homesick Texan's Recipes! Try the Texas Sheet Cake sometime! Also her Migas recipe is so yummy! This is a blog I go to when I seriously need a true southwestern meal.

Monday: Baked Zitti - that recipe is in my head and its kind of a gut thing.

Tuesday: Orange Chicken


I think Wednesday and Thursday will be fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of nights. They are usually hazy and I generally abandon the menu for something simple like eggs or sandwiches just to save myself the dishes.

Happy Weekend!

Enough

I am sending in my withdrawal forms to ASU tomorrow. Ugh. As freeing as the decision was it still is sad. I have to admit I have always been nostalgic about my undergraduate years... I made some of the best friends that are still a large part of my life and learned so much about myself during that time, but that time is past. That time has been past for *cough* ten years.

I do wish the DBH could have been worth it, but I just don't see how going to school for a degree that will not really help me get a different license in my field or even a raise would help me.  Well the raise that I could get if the Holy Grail were to come through is ok, but it still doesn't make up for the $63,000 I'd be spending + the compounded interest + the stress of homework and working full time. All of this is based on "Ifs" and I am really tired of "ifs" when it concerns $63,000.00!

I feel really solid in my decision to pass it up and continue on my merry way just as I am. I really believe that right now I have enough. I don't need more or to be more than what I am. It's an amazing feeling. I wish everyone had this feeling.

Writing has been going well. I tend to write a lot of character journals, build them from the ground up and get the characters voice in my head. They get a psychology that way, childhood crap that shaped their personality and made them what they are or will be. I confess I like the growing character. The one who changes over the course of the book. I also really like the double agent and the evil ones. They are really fun. The more I work on these journals the clearer their voices and attitudes come through. Sticking to it can be hard, I get distracted and wander off or frustrated and stop.  I've never heard of or met a writer who thinks what they are writing is golden. Never. So I have decided to introduce the concept of "enough."

Ya know, Do I have enough info? Do I have enough descriptive words? Do I have enough screwed up shit that happens to propel my character forward? Is there enough tension to propel the plot forward? Have I taken out enough adverbs?




But I digress

This  is a concept I introduced to my life years ago, I think it came from an email about a father wishing his daughter "enough" you have probably seen it...

I find as I get older and more content with my life (angst less?)  I am really happy with what I do have. I feel that I have enough and am enough. Bizarre! In my early 30's I had the concept of "enough" but it was not really applying to me. In my early 30's I didn't really have enough and certainly did not feel like enough. But now I am enough. I can feel that each day even when I have a crap day when nothing went right. I can still feel like I am enough and that whatever crap that the day had brought I did the best I could for that day.

That and the Marmoset song helps :)

I wish you enough!

Freedom

Its bizarre how free I feel after making the decision not to continue school. I hadn't even started, but it had always been on my mind. For years it was on my mind. I work with a lot of psychologists and psychiatrists. To them school is a necessity. To me? I can learn what I need from books now and trainings. I don't think I need to enter into school to still be on a level playing field with them.

So what is it I am going to do with all this "free time" Live, be me, knit. crochet, and write.

I write from time to time and have been slowly building a world for a fantasy novel I have had in my head for years. So I will dive back in and see how far I get. I'd like to find a writers group of like minded folks and in the past have found some folks, but people have lives. People have emotions and frustration seems to be a nig one for me when I get stuck in my writing. So we shall see this time if I find a group of other like minded folks.