Saturday, January 12, 2013

Refelctions on 2012

It seems that January is when I post here. Perhaps this year, that will change. In January it is natural to reflect on your last year. We have plenty of reminders in the media. It is a perfect time to evaluate where you have been and where you want to be. And the great thing about being human is we have a choice to learn from our mistakes. We do not have to keep repeating the same behaviors if we don't want to. So where have I been in 2012?

I did not take a vacation. I needed one, but the powers that be made it impossible to gather up the funds to run off to the beach for a week and as much as I would have loved to venture out east and see some lovely people, I couldn't do that either. 2012 was full of lessons for me and my family.

I learned that no matter how much I want to back off, hide away and let someone else deal with crazy I do have to stand up when I am pushed into a corner and sometimes before I am. I am not a woman who does back down. I am usually the one who nips it in the bud. I am assertive and have learned not only from my mother, but my boss that with a look I can shut down a conversation that is not helpful. However, this particular brand of crazy was beyond my ability. I tried at first. I jumped in with both feet. I attempted to find out where this man was coming from, to clarify what it was our office did for people, and how we are supposed to treat people less fortunate them ourselves. That  man was so arrogant and completely inappropriate to be a prescriber. I was amazed to know that I had more knowledge about treatment then he did.  How did he have a license to practice medicine?! Eventually, I did take him down and I am not ashamed to say it like that. It needed to happen. It needed to be made clear how he intimidated patients, how he bullied and discredited staff.

I learned that I should be thankful everyday for being employed. I did choose my career when others told me not to, but it has sustained me and my family. It has kept me out of the unemployment line, kept my house when many others lost theirs, and it is always teaching me something about myself. Working as a mental health counselor, self reflection is needed every day and sometimes the awareness that brings is painful. Pain is only temporary and after the pain comes mindful re-direction. Who doesn't need to be more mindful about what they are doing, how they are behaving, or what they are saying?

I am ok with not having children. I have a few physical issues that could make pregnancy and child rearing very tricky. I am not willing to end up unable to care for my child. No matter how much family or friends say it will all work out, I can't deal with having a child I can't chase after, play with, and do everything a mother needs to do to raise a well adapted child. And that is NOT something I would feel comfortable pawning off of other family members, my husband, or a babysitter because my body is not cooperating. There is nothing I can really do for these issues, but accept them. I do have a choice in this matter and I am not putting myself or a possible child through the torture of having an absent mother because she does not have the ability to function fully. Responsibility rests with the parents not on the community, the extended family, or the school.
I have an irresponsible and absent father who I would not wish on anyone.

So what am I going to do in 2013?

An independent license should be in the works....finally! Its been a long 7 and a half years. I am a seasoned therapist now that does good work. Maybe this year will be the year I get my LAC too!

A promotion may be imminent. With that comes more responsibility. Time will tell.

Sewing! I got a sewing machine! I am going to learn to sew this year and I think Pillowcases, Duvets, and skirts  will be the first projects I work on and master before I move onto other things.

We are taking a vacation this year! I hope we will be able to do 2 this year. One to see family out east and one to the beach with Em our doglet.

I hope I get a jump on homemade Christmas gifts this year. Last year was too much activity outside of the home to focus on what needed to be completed when.\

Watching the Triple Crown! While Shanghi Bobby won the breeders cup in 2012 and that is promising as far as 2 yr olds go, but with the change in how horses qualify for the Derby there may be plenty of others that can do as well. I am quite interested in Violence as a possible contender for at least the Derby.  I have no idea if there is a triple crown winner in the mix, but would be delighted to see a horse get immortality by becoming the next Triple Crown winner. Before you assume anything, I am not a gambler, I watch the races simply to see the horses run. Nothing makes me happier than to see an animal do what they were bred to do.

Riding lessons! I found a stable that teaches all areas of horsemanship. I can't wait to get started.

A new puppy! Em is our only doglet.She is a Cairn terrier. She has 2 cats to call her own and one of them will pass this year from Lymphoma. We have decided that it is time that Em got a puppy to bully, love, play with, and snuggle with. She is a fantastic snuggler and quite the bully. She likes to head butt Cleo, our male cat.

So what are you plans? Do you reflect and re-evaluate? Or do you pick a focus and head in the general direction?