My husband and I are suffering our first pet loss. After 7 long months of prednisone our beautiful girl 12 year old Miss Maddigan passed Friday evening at about 5:30. It was the hardest thing I have had to endure thus far. She was a strange cat, not very social, disliked loud noises, fast movements and hid from most humans and animals. In fact she hid away or stayed in her bathroom most of her life. She would screech from the top of the stairs if a storm scared her. She accepted my husband and I because we brought her home, loved her, played with her, fed her, combed her (which she loved), and loved on her every chance we got. When she was kitten she would nuzzle into my hair when I went to bed. She wasn't a pain or a nag, she was very talkative and she just wanted things quiet, to be predictable, and to get as much love as she could. We gave her that. I wish we could have taken away her Lymphoma and her pancreatitis.
I know that we got about 2-3 months longer with our angel than the vet expected. I know that when we took her into the vet it was because she was not going to rally, but had gotten to that horrible stage of Lymphoma where it cuts off their airway and they suffocate. I know we did everything we could for her. I do not have any guilt or regrets. I just wish she wouldn't have had to go through all that. She died peacefully. She didn't fight my husband when she went into her carrier. She sat calmly in the vets office with 3 dogs staring at her. She even was calm when she laid on the exam table and was palpated by the vet tech then carried off to be weighed.She tried to get away, but accepted us keeping her on the table. Never before did she behave that way. It tells me that she just was too weak to fight, she was ready, and we had chosen the right time.
So why do I feel so fucking wretched? Because I miss the meows at the top of the stairs, her bright eyes when I would mention "treats" and her silly copious drooling when I would love on her. I suppose now I can just have faith that at the rainbow bridge she is being cared for, no longer in pain, and I will see her again.