I am sending in my withdrawal forms to ASU tomorrow. Ugh. As freeing as the decision was it still is sad. I have to admit I have always been nostalgic about my undergraduate years... I made some of the best friends that are still a large part of my life and learned so much about myself during that time, but that time is past. That time has been past for *cough* ten years.
I do wish the DBH could have been worth it, but I just don't see how going to school for a degree that will not really help me get a different license in my field or even a raise would help me. Well the raise that I could get if the Holy Grail were to come through is ok, but it still doesn't make up for the $63,000 I'd be spending + the compounded interest + the stress of homework and working full time. All of this is based on "Ifs" and I am really tired of "ifs" when it concerns $63,000.00!
I feel really solid in my decision to pass it up and continue on my merry way just as I am. I really believe that right now I have enough. I don't need more or to be more than what I am. It's an amazing feeling. I wish everyone had this feeling.
Writing has been going well. I tend to write a lot of character journals, build them from the ground up and get the characters voice in my head. They get a psychology that way, childhood crap that shaped their personality and made them what they are or will be. I confess I like the growing character. The one who changes over the course of the book. I also really like the double agent and the evil ones. They are really fun. The more I work on these journals the clearer their voices and attitudes come through. Sticking to it can be hard, I get distracted and wander off or frustrated and stop. I've never heard of or met a writer who thinks what they are writing is golden. Never. So I have decided to introduce the concept of "enough."
Ya know, Do I have enough info? Do I have enough descriptive words? Do I have enough screwed up shit that happens to propel my character forward? Is there enough tension to propel the plot forward? Have I taken out enough adverbs?
But I digress
This is a concept I introduced to my life years ago, I think it came from an email about a father wishing his daughter "enough" you have probably seen it...
I find as I get older and more content with my life (angst less?) I am really happy with what I do have. I feel that I have enough and am enough. Bizarre! In my early 30's I had the concept of "enough" but it was not really applying to me. In my early 30's I didn't really have enough and certainly did not feel like enough. But now I am enough. I can feel that each day even when I have a crap day when nothing went right. I can still feel like I am enough and that whatever crap that the day had brought I did the best I could for that day.
That and the Marmoset song helps :)
I wish you enough!